Don’t Be Nervous for Your Service

One of the first things I tell every bar and bat mitzvah student is simple: you are not going to be nervous at your service. That may sound surprising at first, but I mean it. My number one rule is that bar and bat mitzvah experiences should be completely stress-free. The goal is for each student to stand at the bimah feeling calm, confident, and proud.

Every student I work with is prepared because I make sure of it. I personally tutor all of my students in the months leading up to their big day. That one-on-one time allows me to really get to know them — how they learn, what they enjoy, and what feels comfortable. No two students are alike, so no two services should ever be exactly the same. Each service is customized for the individual. I never ask a student to do anything that they are not 100 percent ready for.

Some students love to chant and take on a full Torah reading. Others prefer to focus on a few key prayers or deliver a thoughtful D’var Torah. There is no single “right” way to lead a bar or bat mitzvah. What matters most is that each student feels proud of what they’ve accomplished. My job is to make sure they reach that moment with confidence and joy.

I have seen again and again how preparation replaces nerves with excitement. At the beginning, many students tell me, “There’s no way I can do this.” But with patience, practice, and encouragement, they realize they can. When the day arrives, they stand tall, lead beautifully, and smile as they look out at their family and friends. Parents often tell me afterward how amazed they were by how calm and comfortable their child seemed. That feeling comes from being fully prepared.

My approach is not only about learning the Hebrew or the prayers. It is about creating a positive Jewish experience that each student will carry with them for life. I take that responsibility seriously. A bar or bat mitzvah should be a celebration of learning, growth, and Jewish identity rather than a stressful performance. When a student enjoys the experience, it strengthens their connection to Judaism and to their community.

Every lesson is personalized. Some students learn best by reading aloud, while others prefer to listen and repeat. Some need visual guides or written notes to build confidence. I adjust my approach to fit each student’s needs. I want them to feel supported and capable from the very first session until the final blessing.

Sometimes, we take time during lessons to discuss the meaning behind the prayers or how their Torah portion relates to their lives. Those conversations matter just as much as the Hebrew practice. They help students see that this milestone is not just about words or melodies, but about who they are becoming as young Jewish adults. When students understand the “why” behind what they’re doing, their confidence grows even more.

By the time their service arrives, my students are ready. They walk up to the bimah knowing they have done the work and that they can handle every part of what’s ahead. That confidence allows them to focus on what really matters, which is the meaning of the moment and the pride they feel in becoming a bar or bat mitzvah.

When I watch a student lead prayers with a steady voice and a proud heart, I know I’ve done my part. I’ve helped them reach this milestone without fear or stress. I’ve helped them feel the joy of Jewish tradition in a way that’s personal and lasting. And that is exactly how it should be.