248.535.7090
mitzvahrabbi@gmail.com
248.535.7090
mitzvahrabbi@gmail.com
As one mother with a child who is challenged with ADHD has said, “Sometimes you have to think outside of the box…especially when you have a child who lives outside of one, too. It’s too bad that others aren’t willing to join you there.” Most synagogues and religious schools want to accommodate ADHD students when it comes time to bar mitzvah preparation time, but often they are unable to do the necessary work when it comes to one-on-one bar mitzvah tutoring. ADHD students require extra attention, motivation, and positive reinforcement. A bar mitzvah tutor who specializes in tutoring bar mitzvah students with ADHD is essential in this endeavor. Rabbi Jason Miller has been working with students who have ADHD for 30 years and has developed a reputation for leading these students to a successful bar mitzvah experience, one that is successful, meaningful and memorable.
“Rabbi Jason did a fantastic job guiding my son, who has ADHD, through his bar mitzvah preparation. Understanding that my son’s experience would be different due to his ADHD, it was important to find a rabbi able to adapt to his unique needs and limitations. After speaking with several rabbis, I was convinced that Rabbi Jason was the perfect match when he outlined his approach: no homework and it had to be fun. These two points immediately resonated with my son.
Rabbi Jason’s engaging approach not only had my son willingly attending their Zoom sessions but also completely transformed his attitude towards his commitment. As the bar mitzvah day neared, my son’s nerves were overshadowed by Rabbi Jason’s encouragement, positivity, and his ability to build a strong relationship and my son’s trust.
On the day of the bar mitzvah, surrounded by his favorite people, my son was called to the Torah. It was a fabulous day from start to finish. Rabbi Jason created a beautiful, personalized prayer book that allowed everyone to follow along with the service. He encouraged family participation, making it a true family celebration where everyone felt involved.
My son described it as the best day ever, and I couldn’t agree more. Rabbi Jason delivered exactly what he promised: a stress-free process and a positive introduction to Judaism that was both enjoyable and educational. I wholeheartedly recommend Rabbi Jason to any parents in a similar situation. He truly made our son’s bar mitzvah a memorable and joyous occasion.”
– Dina Berrin, New York City
From MyJewishLearning:
Discussion should begin by realistically acknowledging the young person’s strengths and limitations. All future plans can then follow in a way that maximizes his or her abilities and circumvents possible problems. An honest assessment of what is educationally and behaviorally possible for the child is essential to guide the team in designing an appropriate and meaningful experience. The focus should be both on the ceremony itself and on the preparation for it.
People learn in different ways, and preparation should be completely individualized and incorporate this child’s strongest modalities. What can he or she realistically learn and how is that learning best accomplished? Are audio or video tapes helpful? Can material be color-coded or written in large print? Parents and Jewish educators may want to consult with secular educators who may be able to be very specific in pinpointing how the child learns best and how he or she will best be able to demonstrate those accomplishments.
People who have disabilities also have unique gifts, which should be reflected in the ceremony. Preparation should consider ways to express this person’s talents and feelings about Judaism and its significance in his or her life. Does he or she have a particular love for music or dance? Can he or she paint or draw an interpretation of the Torah portion? With a goal of helping a person with disabilities feel accepted and comfortable, highlighting his or her special gifts can provide the mechanism for celebrating his or her Jewish identity. For example, one bat mitzvah girl, who is an elective mute, displayed an original painting that expressed her feelings about her Torah portion.
Once these questions have been answered, the family should determine their goal for the event. What will make it meaningful to each of them? What will make this a “real” bar or bat mitzvah for them? Who should participate and how? Who should be there to share the experience?
The cooperation of the synagogue’s professionals is critical to a successful experience. Must all bar/bat mitzvah ceremonies follow the same formula in order to be acceptable? Can the ceremony be shortened, individualized, or carried out in a completely unique manner? How willing are the professionals to help plan and expedite such a service? How supportive will the congregation be of a ceremony that is different from the usual?
The ceremony itself should be designed to take advantage of the child’s strengths and, as much as possible, to avoid problems. How predictable is this person’s behavior? What will make him or her comfortable or uncomfortable?
Preparation that is site specific can be very helpful on the big day. Decide where the service will be held and try to practice in that environment. Perhaps the synagogue is not the optimal place; the person’s home or a room at his or her school may be more comfortable and less distracting. Wherever the ceremony will be held, it is helpful to schedule some teaching sessions at the site so that the ceremony will not take place in an unfamiliar and, therefore, overwhelming environment.
Some children will manage better if the ceremony is as brief as possible, and does not coincide with a regular congregational service or other communal event. Then, the rabbi can stop or modify the service if the child becomes overstimulated or anxious. One rabbi, knowing that a young man’s attention span was approximately 15 minutes long, was prepared to finish the ceremony quickly and announce to the assembled guests that it was wonderful that they had been able to celebrate together.
The team should also identify specific stimuli that distract or overstimulate the child and plan to accommodate them. Are specific sounds upsetting? Are crowds too stimulating? Does making eye contact upset the person? The child could face away from the congregation to avoid being frightened or overstimulated by eye contact with the crowd. Are certain articles of clothing irritating? This child should wear comfortable and familiar clothing, not something new, stiff, and uncomfortable. Does the person need to stand or walk between prayers? Does he or she need to sit throughout the ceremony because alternating standing and sitting is overwhelming? Aware that one bar mitzvah boy might wander throughout the sanctuary, the rabbi explained to the congregation that the entire room was the bimah [pulpit] that day. If the people planning the ceremony can answer questions like these in advance and take the appropriate steps to make the person with disabilities feel comfortable and relaxed, the day will prove much more successful and pleasant for everyone.
The ultimate success of such a ceremony is a triumph, not only for the individuals involved, but for the entire Jewish community. The bar or bat mitzvah of a young person with a disability demonstrates vividly what Judaism is, or should be, about. The challenges are not insurmountable; it only takes the willingness to plan ahead, flexibility, and creativity. In this way, we can truly “educate each child according to his or her ability,” and fulfill our obligation to provide a Jewish education for every child.